Wednesday, January 24, 2018

Addiction with No Rehab

   I have an addiction that has no rehab facility.  It’s called urgency addiction.  I don’t know when and how I got it.  I remember as a child I was never late in school or church.  As a teen, I came to my dates one hour early.  I gave myself too much time allowance.  I was afraid of getting caught in traffic, or a public transport accident.  I was always afraid if I were late my date would leave without me.  Ironically, I don’t mind waiting.  If my date was an hour late, which would put my waiting time to two hours, he would find me smiling, just happy the date is going to happen.

   As a working woman, I was never late for the office hour, even when we lived in Cavite and my office was located in Ayala Ave, Makati City.  That’s about 20 miles (31.1 km) using the old Paranaque Road before the Coastal Road was completed.  When I had to see a client, I was always too early for my appointment.  

   I didn’t even know I had a ‘condition’ until I found a book about urgency addiction.  I read the book and found myself in the pages.  It didn’t change me but at least I knew what was keeping me in a constant rush mode.  It had advantages, I accomplished a lot.  The jobs in my resume switched every five years like clockwork.  I built my first home at 26 years old!

   There were disadvantages.  There was that time when I had 2 jobs and a business project on the side all running at the same time.  I had to be prescribed Sinequan to help me sleep.  My rush mode had lost the off switch.  My relationship with my children suffered because I was hard to pin down.  Our ‘quality time’ weekends were a rush to the mall, movies, swimming, etc., when all we should have done was sit and talk.

   Now in my 60’s, the home, the kids, the job, all are gone but not my urgency addiction.  I have made a list to help me take/make time for myself:

1. Between tasks/chores sit on the couch for 5 minutes.  It can't possibly mess my already empty life.

2. Before driving off in my car, I need to turn the radio on and listen to a song.  That would give me less than 5 minutes to catch my breath after the long walk to my parking.
3. Upon arriving at my destination, I need to finish the song that’s playing on my radio before I rush out.  That would keep me from shutting the door on my finger, which actually happened and left a dark spot on my nail.  OUCH!!!

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