Friday, March 22, 2013

Unattached


   When she was six years old Mila found her first best friend in her first grade class.  The two were inseparable until in second grade her parents told Mila they will be moving to the city at the end of the school year.  Mila started to avoid her best friend who was clearly hurt because she can’t figure out what happened.  Mila thought being close right till the end would be devastating.  She decided she might as well throw in the towel early than live everyday with her friend anticipating their goodbye.

   All of Mila’s relationships as she grew ended the same way.  She was in and out of girl groups.  She preempts the slightest hint of rejection by subconsciously holding on to the anchor, ready to sail away.  

   Was she a budding fatalist?  Fatalism is an attitude of resignation in the face of some future event or events which are thought to be inevitable.

   Or was it detachment?  Detachment, also expressed as non-attachment, is a state in which a person overcomes his or her attachment to desire for things, people or concepts of the world.

   To avoid the pain of goodbye Mila kept herself from being attached to any place so that she moved from one location to another, never growing roots.  Her love affairs and marriages ended in 3 days, 3 weeks, 3 months, 3 years or 23 years as if ruled by the number three.  She loved her parents and her children but subconsciously avoided bonding with them. 

   Before the television was invented Mila and the maid listened to soap series on the radio.  The shows aired a lot of heartbreaking sound of crying over someone leaving or dying.  

   At 60 Mila was still unattached.  She became a US citizen and changed her name, a final and absolute act of detachment, she has left herself.




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