Friday, March 29, 2013

The Immigrant (A Satire)


   A couple of young primates bumped into each other in America.  

American Primate :
Look what the cat dragged in!  You are all tanned.  What country did you come from?


Immigrant Primate:
I came from the Philippines.  Man, they’re testing drugs on us back there.  Just about killed my entire family.


American Primate :
Woooah!  That’s a nightmare!  You’re right about getting out of there.  We got laws here to protect our rights.  In this country drugs are tested on humans. 


Immigrant Primate:
That’s what I heard so I jumped on a plane. 


American Primate :
How did you get on the plane?  No airport security back there?


Immigrant Primate:
They do but airports are tougher on humans.  There’s no way I could be mistaken for a terrorist.  My fur is not thick enough to hide anything.  Not thick enough for your climate over here either.  I’m freezing!


American Primate :
My granddaddy arrived from Africa some hundred years ago.  Let me tell you a trick I learned from my parents.  You fluff your fur to make it feel thicker.  Your own body heat will warm the air between the fur strands.


Immigrant Primate:
That’s a great advice. Thanks man.  I love this country!  The place I’ve been staying at has got a dog they treat like a king.  One day the owners forgot the sleeping pet in the car and someone called the police.  The pet owners got in trouble.  They called it a felony whatever that means.


American Primate :
I hear you.  Those dogs sure are arrogant.  One of them chased me around the block.  Good thing a cat wandered by.  That got him off my back.


Immigrant Primate:
So you said drugs here are tested on humans, does that include veterinary drugs?


American Primate :
I guess so.  Animals here have lawyers, lobbyists, fund raisers, you name it.


Immigrant Primate:
We don’t have those in the Philippines.  Back there humans get better treatment. (Genesis 1:26) What a bunch of bigots!  Is there anything I should beware of? 


American Primate :
Nothing, you’ll be fine.  You don’t even have to worry about immigration.  Those guys deport overstaying humans so you’re good. 




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